Category Archives: Jokes

Levity: Adventure With My Car

Yesterday’s entry went rather long, so I will attempt to achieve some brevity today. And some levity. Levity is good, from time to time.

A light came on in my car, the manual said it meant I needed to take my car for a service.

Well, I tried. I really tried. I got there early, just in case, which is just as well, because I had to negotiate a few steps, and then the doors didn’t really seem the best-designed for a car to get through.

That’s about as far as I got, because there were a bunch of pews in the way.

I’m not taking my car for a service at that church again.

The Next Generation(s), And Spinoff Silliness

Watching Star Trek: The Next Generation this evening (Journey’s End and Firstborn, we’re nearing the end, folks!), it occurred to me that there were some more shows with “The Next Generation” in the title. Although I didn’t think of many others, I think I was still surprised by how few there were, when I checked IMDB afterwards.

Roots: TNG started the trend in 1979, Trek was second in ’87, there was a TV movie “Bonanza: The Next Generation” (speculation: intended as a pilot, but failed?) in 1988, and Degrassi: The Next Generation (the one I remembered, though I’m not sure I ever watched it) was actually far later, in 2001.

There’s a reality show that started this year called “The Jacksons: Next Generation” – “Taj, Taryll, and TJ Jackson struggle to manage their lives, careers and families under the constant spotlight of their famous last name” – which could be seen as a continuation of the naming trend, and next year there’s an “Underworld: Next Generation”, which I suspect isn’t.

You may well have been happier not knowing about those last two, but I just heard about ’em, so now you have, too.

I’m tempted to copy and paste the “The Next Generation” portion of ST:TNG’s logo below a Star Wars logo, in celebration of the forthcoming movie.

One wonders what would have happened if Trek had been spun off into TV shows now. What spin-off naming convention would be used now?

The shows that immediately spring to mind, are CSI and NCIS.

CSI: Crime Scene Investigation, and NCIS: Naval Criminal Investigative Service. Such unwieldy titles, but they say what they mean.
Equivalent? Star Trek: Starship Enterprise.

Hmm, eerily close to the last Trek show.

All right, what else have we got?

CSI: Miami, CSI: NY, NCIS: Los Angeles, NCIS: New Orleans. Same-but-different kinda vibe.
Equivalent? Star Trek: U.S.S. Brooklyn, Star Trek: U.S.S. San Francisco.
Alternatively, the shows could be named after where the ships are stationed in the Trek universe.
Star Trek: Along The Romulan Neutral Zone.
Oh no, that would make Deep Space Nine “Star Trek: Bajor”, or maybe “Star Trek: Cardassian Border”. Phaser me now.

This leaves one CSI spinoff title unadapted. CSI: Cyber. Presumably the team isn’t sitting around the whole time, examining millions of lines of code or transactions or data report, like one imagines cyber crimes units usually doing.
But Trek has always been partial to playing around with new technologies, and sometimes exploring the implications of them, or imagining what might be possible with technology two, three or four centuries away.
But really, there can be only one equivalent.
Star Trek: Holodeck.

Run for the hills!

Personality Types

Not being a big fan of forms or tests, personality tests are very Not My Thing. There usually ends up being some stupid question where none of the options are particularly me.

“Which of these two options is more you, Option A which is totally not you, or Option 2 which is totally not you. This will help us determine what kind of personality you have.” Oh, I can tell you – I’m the kind of personality that’s done with these questions.

If you happen to be like me in this regard, then let me help you.

Each personality type is described using four letters, one from each of these sections in order:
I vs E (except after C)
S or N
F or T
J v P

I’ve done the test, but I don’t remember what I got labelled as. So I’m rather fond of four-letter abbreviations for potential use if the question comes up.

I’m into movies, so I might be IMDB.
I’m not into sports, so I’m not ESPN.
IOCC is the charity I chose on Amazon Smile.

If you’re so outside the box that four-letter abbreviations starting with I or E aren’t enough for you, then options widen considerably.

I like FFIX
I’m starting to use HDMI
USPS keep bringing me things (usually after I’ve been busy on Amazon).
I didn’t go to university, but it could very well be that UCLA is a personality type all of its own.
I don’t think these are me, but you might identify with GMTV, CITV or CBBC.
If your into history, SPQR might suit you.

I do have a reputation, however, and perhaps the best four letters for me would be FOOD. I know I’d like some…

Non Sequiturs Galore

Every so often (or, as I called it back when I listened to the radio, “all the time”), a song comes around that’s not too bad on the first listen, but rapidly turns annoying, often due to some tedious bit that repeats ad nauseum.

I’m not sure that the song I highlighted today ever entirely outstayed its’ welcome, but there is one bit that once you realise it makes absolutely no sense, there’s not really any going back.

Welcome to “All These Things That I’ve Done” by The Killers.

“I’ve got soul, but I’m not a soldier.”

Well, I’m sure that’s very nice for you, but do you happen to know what a non sequitur is?

“I’ve got ham but I’m not a hamster.” Apparently Bill Bailey already did this one. I may even have heard it from him, I’ve watched a couple of his shows, but I think I also came to it independently. Either “Great minds think alike”, or it’s just the obvious gag, but there’s no reason to stop there…

I’ve got toes, but I’m not a toaster.

I’ve got hips, but I’m not a hipster.

I’ve got abs, but I’m not an abstract.

I’ve got eyes, but I’m not an iceberg.

I’ve got pain, but I’m not a painting.

I’ve got pills, but I’m not a Pilsner.

I’ve got tea, but I’m not a teacher.

I’ve got poise, but I’m not a poison.

I’ve got wind, but I’m not a window.

I’ve got fat, but I’m not a fatwa.

I’ve got a car, but I’m not a carpet.

I’ve got a toy, but I’m not a toilet.

Every time I hear the song, they just keep coming! It keeps making no sense!

(“Yeah, you know you got to help me out…”)

Make it stop!

(“Yeah, oh don’t you put me on the backburner…”)

What gems can you add to this pile of parody? It’s ok, the song’s asking for it.

(“Yeah, you’re gonna bring yourself down…”)

(“I’ve got soul…”)

Sesame Street

Middlest loves getting to spend time on the Sesame Street site, she enjoys the videos and the games. They do spoofs of recent films that the kids probably shouldn’t have seen. They did The Hunger Games, and one that Middlest keeps referring to is “Jurassic Cookie” (a spin on Jurassic World).

I’m kind of surprised they haven’t spoofed the recent Mad Max. “Furry Road” seems like a gag they would find hard to pass up.

I, of course, remember growing up with Sesame Street, and other relatives before me. Even had some Sesame Street games ont he Atari: Alpha Beam With Ernie, Big Bird’s Egg Catch, and Cookie Monster Munch. The games on the site… well, let’s just say technology has come a long way.

When I was younger, I got a letter from Sesame Street.

I was terribly disappointed, I was expecting two letters and a number.

A joke and a video

It’s been a long day, so I’ll just share a joke that I amused Oldest with the other day:

Why is an apricot called an apricot?

Answer after this entirely unrelated video:

Because it doesn’t have a tail. If it had a tail, it would be a “monkeyricot”.

And yes, I was lying about the unrelatedness of the video.

Have a pleasant evening, everybody!